“Gone, Gone, Gone.” Funny how the title this week was actually played in the middle of the episode, when Hoyt and dear momma were driving along the highway. John Lee Hooker played us out tonight with “You know, I know.” I bet you didn’t know that John Belushi’s character in “The Blues Brothers” was based on John Lee Hooker. Here are a few lines from the song that accompanied the end credits: “Now, babe, Everybody is talking, babe, We don’t care what they say, As long as you know and I know, We’re gonna get together one day, babe, Yeah, Let them talk, babe, all they want, As long as you know I know, We’re gonna get together one day.” Are the lyrics in the closing song prophetic for any of the characters? Who could they be talking about? Bill and Lilith, Eric and Nora, and let’s not ignore the elephant in the room, Bill and Sookie? Let’s ponder that while we recap …
We open with more news coverage of day three of the vampire crisis, as all five of the Tru Blood factories burn to the ground. Surprise, surprise … vampire attacks have gone up as the supply of Tru-Blood has dwindled. Steve Newlin is speaking for the AVL assuring everyone that they are working with Homeland Security to find those responsible for the ruination of their food supply. Uh huh, sure they are. Sookie has ordered in Chinese food, there is a knock on the door, and Sookie grabs a gun. It’s Mike the coroner. I have to say, I thought he looked funky when I saw him through the window; I had a feeling he was vampire. Then when Sookie told him to come in, I was sure, just because he looked way too happy. Anyway, Mike attacks Sookie and she shoots, which of course does no good and Sookie finds another purpose for the chopsticks that came with her dinner and stakes Mike with them. Sookie seems pretty tired of the constant clean up of guts in her house.
Molly, the techie, is being led into the Authority rec room and she’s wearing an istake. Russell is pleased they finally have a chance to have some fun. Much as it annoys me to say this, Salome gives Russell a well deserved shut the fuck up look. Bill and Salome walk up to Molly and Salome attempts to give Molly another chance to accept Lilith, to which Molly tells them it makes no difference because she’s dead anyway. Bill tells Molly that she compromised their security and the council has agreed that she must go. Molly wants to go out in a blaze of glory. She tells them that Lilith is bullshit and that if they are so evolved why are they following a book written thousands of years ago? Rosalyn praises Molly’s development of the istake and wants a quick death for her. Russell argues that it chafes your nipples, Kibwe tells Molly they could convert her, but she’s not worth the trouble … wow, harsh. Bill and Salome back up and with a somber look Bill arms the istake and Molly is gone. Steve Newlin is wearing on my least nerve and is tickled pink to FINALLY see a vampire be staked., Russell could give a shit and smiles and Salome looks at Newlin and basically gives him the same shut the fuck up look from before. They pray to the blood. Bill looks saddened, but resigned. Russell wants to go out and get a bite (that was so easy) with Newlin. Salome would prefer Newlin stay and prepare for his TV appearance, but Russell takes Newlin’s arm as they head out. Russell says he’s in the mood for Greek.
Hoyt and Momma are coming back from the hospital and Momma tells Hoyt that she cleaned out half her doll collection and bought him a used mattress. Eww. Momma tells Hoyt that she kept the Cheeto headed tramp from giving Hoyt her blood while he was unconscious. Hoyt tells his mother about his plan to go to Alaska to go oil drilling and therefore have a simpler life away from vampires while making major cash raping the environment. (I’m paraphrasing a bit). I guess Hoyt didn’t see “Thirty Days of Night”? I’m thinking Alaska could be a hot bed of vampire activity. Anyway, Momma’s not too keen on the idea and Hoyt asks if she wants an invalid for a son or someone who did something with his life. The answer to that question is obvious, Maxine doesn’t want to be left alone.
Count Greasy, also known as Elijah, is counting out the receipts for Fangtasia and I really wanted him to punctuate every number with “ah, ah, ah” like the count does on Sesame Street. That would have been hilarious. Anywho, Pam is amazed at his Mensa like math skills. Tara and Pam try to explain to said Elijah that Fangtasia isn’t exactly rolling in customers hence the cash flow issues. Elijah, letting his freak flag fly proudly, suggests something like installing vampire glory holes. Pam is against that. I find it funny she’s getting up on her high horse. Pam honey, weren’t you a madam at one time? Surely using sex for money should be old hat to you. Elijah has one more bomb to drop. The Authority has now instituted a procreation mandate. They have to make thirty new vampires a year. I’m confused, because Elijah says thirty new vampires for area five. Does that mean thirty per area or thirty per vampire? I’m thinking I need clarification here. Elijah goes on to tell Pam that he can take possession of her assets, including progeny if she isn’t compliant. Okay now, hold the phone, isn’t Elijah the new sheriff of area five? Wouldn’t it be his responsibility to ensure that the thirty vamps were made? I’m just saying.
Sookie and Andy are discussing the wisdom of ordering Chinese and speculating on who turned Mike Spencer. Andy saying this kind of gory crime scene is exactly what Mike would have loved. Ahh … memories. Sookie tells Andy how Mike wanted to suck her toes and Andy tells Sookie how Mike kept his autopsy photos with his porn. Sookie then says maybe she doesn’t feel so bad. Hey Sookie, pervs need love too. By the way, is it me or is it WAY obvious that Anna has little Emerys on board? She looks adorable.
Bill is sauntering up to the vial o’ Lilith looking absolutely lickable (did I say that outloud?). Bill opens the vial and uses the ornate dropper thingy to get some of the blood inside. This was formerly Roman’s job. My, my, Bill haven’t we moved up? This is a job of significance, Bill is obviously trusted by the Authority. I guess being brainwashed into losing one’s marbles is not without it’s perks. I wonder … oh, never mind. Bill then takes a moment to gather his thoughts? Strategize perhaps? May I say, as an aside, that Steve has beautiful hands? Well I did, so there. I guess Bill knows who it is that is coming into the room, because he says he and Nora “can only keep you alive for so long.” We all know Bill’s talking to Eric as he’s being dragged in. Bill tells Eric that the others wanted him gone already and that it’s only because of his and Nora’s intervention that Eric hasn’t met the true death yet. Eric doesn’t give a shit. Bill tells Eric that since Eric saved his life that he and Nora in return will save his soul. Bill looks so earnest as his says this. Bill presents the dropper and Eric responds like he’s terrified and says no. Nora sighs like she just saw her five year old refuse to take his Flintstones chewable. Eric is obviously weak because Nora is able to hold Eric’s head still so Bill can give him the blood. Nora takes a drop too, presumably so Eric doesn’t go it alone. Bill strokes Nora’s head and leaves the room to watch from another room via monitors.
What we think will be Lilith appearing out of a red mist is actually Godric. Eric tells Godric, with tears in his eyes, that he tried to save Nora. Nora doesn’t understand how Godric is there. Obi wan Godric explains it’s because his blood is in both of them. Nora tells Godric that he abandoned her long ago and that she has Lilith now. Godric tells her that Lilith is “a godless God and she will lead her and all around them to destruction.” Okay, then. Nora tells Godric how the family he built with them was founded on hunting, death and blood and now he thinks that’s wrong? Godric tells Nora that he has already accomplished what the Authority wishes to do … EVOLVE! Bill is watching all of this from the monitor in the other room and sees Nora speaking to no one. Oh shit, the red mist is forming behind Godric and you know it’s Lilith, because she is, of course, naked. Does she belong to an order that has taken a vow of nudity? Because, if that’s the case … I’m thinking Bill is WAYYY overdressed. Eric is screaming for Godric to fight Lilith and Nora is asking Lilith, who is now right behind Godric embracing him, to please spare him. Lilith rips Godrics’ head off and again she’s dressed in blood. Isn’t Godric already kinda dead? At least, like twice already? Anyway, both Eric and Nora are weeping for Godric while Bill mutters “Praise Lilith.” Oh, fuck me.
The next scene finds us watching Russell and Newlin dancing to Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream” like they’re at some fucked up prom or something. Russell is telling Newlin how they will not only own the night but the day as well. There you have it, we all knew it, Russell is full of shit with the Lilith worship. This was all a vehicle to get Fae blood so he can walk in the sun again. More on that later. Newlin asks Russell to take him along for the ride, to which Russell answers by dipping him. Oh yeah, the Greek reference … they drained a frat house. That was clever.
We are back at Merlotte’s, which is pretty empty. People are leaving and we realize it’s because Jessica just walked in. Understandably, people are a little freaked having a vampire among them, being all five Tru Blood factories are gone. One redneck pulls a gun on Jess. We hear another gun’s hammer being pulled back and we see Sam holding a gun on the redneck. The redneck asks Sam how he can choose a vampire over one of his own kind and Sam tells him that he isn’t one of them. Good for you Sam. We see in the periphery that another redneck twat is approaching with a gun and who stops this one? Well, if it isn’t Lafayette looking absolutely fabulous accessorizing with shotgun couture. Sam asks Jess if she’s hungry, but she passes on the night’s specials. Lafayette tells the guys as they are running out the door to take their fries to go which the dumb ass does and he runs straight into Jason.
Jason goes to Jess telling her it’s not safe for her without her guards and she tells him that guards left because Bill stopped paying them. They both discover they are there to meet someone and to no ones surprise, it’s Hoyt. Hoyt tells them about his plans to go to Alaska. Jason and Jessica protest and Hoyt asks them why he shouldn’t go. He tells them his mother smothers him, his girl left him for his best friend and he was almost killed by the racist bigot assholes. Hoyt tells them it’s a done deal and that they should be happy for him. They are not. Hoyt asks Jess to glamour him so he forgets she and Jason. Jessica doesn’t want to, but Hoyt begs her. Jessica complies and has a lovely speech about how Hoyt will forget them, but she and Jason will never forget Hoyt. To repeat word for word would ruin the emotion of the moment, but you can tell it’s killing her to do this. When Hoyt opens his eyes, he’s free of them, but not before Jason tells him he loves him and Jess tells him goodbye.
Tara is in Fangtasia picking people she can turn into vampires, but Pam tells her no. Tara asks if Pam is going to allow Elijah to take everything from her including Tara. Pam explains that she and Tara will live in the wind, that Fangtasia is only a structure, Elijah can have it if he wants it.
Sookie is trying to put a positive spin on things for Jason as she packs to leave and stay with Jason at his house, as she’s not safe at home anymore. (So what else is new?) Jason was kind of hoping, while Hoyt was in the hospital, that he might forgive him. While Jason explains this to Sookie he lifts up the dress on one of Sookie’s Teddy bears to peek underneath. Funny stuff. Jason went through Bud Dearborn’s place after Bud was shot and found a box actually marked “vampire attacks?” God, how incredibly convenient. Unfortunately, it has nothing of value in it as far as their parents killer is concerned. Jason asks Sookie again what Gran said about their parents’ killer and Sookie tells him that Gran said the answer was under the bed. Jason, feeling like quite the Einstein, tells Sookie that she would make a lousy cop. Making a long story short, Jason pries up a floorboard under Gran’s bed and finds a box with a scroll inside. From the writing, it looks Elvish … better get Gandalf on this one.
Sam is on the phone with a rep from the AVL saying he’d like to talk to Rev. Newlin about his new puppy. Sam says he’s from “Dog Monthly” and they would like Steve Newlin to be on the magazine cover. I gotta give it up for Sam trying to get Emma back. He asks where Newlin is, that his magazine could go anywhere, as they know Newlin’s a busy man. Sam gets nowhere and Luna comes in with no better luck. She’s scared and who can blame her? Sam shows Luna a news story about Newlin being in NOLA for a summit with a mortal rights advocate. They are going to fly to NOLA.
Sookie and Jason go to the local university to speak to a professor about the scroll. The professor tells them the scroll is very old and that it is indecipherable because it is not written in any human language. With that, Sookie and Jason look at each other with an “Ah Hah!” look.
A brief scene with Holly and Andy has them eating at Merlotte’s with Lafayette at the grill. The food is a hit and Lafayette promises to make dessert and tells them not to expect dinner like this again, because when the vampire crisis ends, either Merlotte’s will be full or they will all be dead. All righty then. Holly and Andy make nice.
Jessica is home alone sitting on the couch remembering happier times with Hoyt, when she hears a thump. It’s the Authority storm troopers coming to take her to Authority HQ. One of the guards holds up a phone with Bill video conferencing saying he’s safe, but she must come to him. Jessica is less then excited to go.
Newlin is on TV doing the summit meeting described earlier. The mortal rights advocate is telling Newlin that the AVL should just admit that they have no idea who bombed the factories (WRONG!) and the AVL is being presumptuous accusing mortal terrorists. I think Newlin is a total douche, but he isn’t stupid. He knows bullshit when he smells it and tells the moderator that he smells a conspiracy coming on and wouldn’t you know it, he’s right. The mortal rights guy is right on the money when he says that the vampires destroyed the factories themselves to go back to the old days of murder and bloodshed. Newlin jokes, yeah sure they did and they have a shadow government run in an underground complex (RIGHT!). Kibwe and Russell are at Authority HQ watching the summit. Russell says that Newlin looks handsome, to which Kibwe gives him an, if you say so look. Salome and Bill enter the room with Nora and Eric. Bill says that their work with Eric was successful, to which Eric then begs the Authority for forgiveness, saying he is on Team Lilith now. (Maybe they can all get t-shirts with pencil eraser nipples attached?) Eric knows he was wrong and gets on his knees in front of Russell and asks for mercy for killing Talbot. Eric then forgives Russell for his sins against his family. Eric concludes they are one with Lilith, they are brothers and must lay down their swords against each other to work for the greater good. Bill watches Russell warily for his reaction. Eric kisses Russell’s hand like he’s the pope and Russell says if Lilith wills it then he’s okay with it. But in a statement pregnant with threat, Russell tells Eric he got the better end of the deal. I don’t believe that Eric believes any of the shit he just shoveled around the room.
We are back at the TV station and while Newlin glad hands the moderator, we see two white mice running around on the floor. Now, I know it’s Luna and Sam, but if mice are running around loose they’re not usually white mice, but wild and brown. I know, I over analyze too much. Luna and Sam get into Newlin’s dressing room and look at his phone to see if there are any pictures of Emma. They are stopped in their search by Newlin and Rosalyn entering. Sam and Luna hightail it out of the room without being noticed.
Sookie and Jason are on their way back from the prestigious North Louisiana U and Jason sees Hoyt’s pick up going down the road. Jason turns his patrol car around with lights and sirens running and tells Sookie he just wants to talk to Hoyt and Sookie tells Jason he has to let Hoyt go. Hoyt has his license, registration and insurance ready and seeing Jason’s last name on his name badge, asks if he’s any relation to Sookie. Jason is looking at Hoyt like he is trying to will Hoyt into remembering him. Hoyt tells Jason he’s going to Alaska and Jason begs Hoyt not to go. Hoyt laughs and tells Jason he knows that his mom sent him to talk him out of moving. Jason lets Hoyt go, walks back to his patrol car, sits inside and says nothing. Jason starts to cry and a silent Sookie holds him tight. I have to admit this scene made me misty. Well done by all.
Jess is stepping off the Authority elevator looking none too happy and sees Bill waiting for her. Bill explains that this move was an effort to keep her safe. They hug it out. Bill proceeds to show off his new digs. Bill, sounding like an enthusiastic tour guide, tells her the Authority’s underground dates back to Byzantium times. Jess asks Bill how he was put in charge and Bill states that he and several others were chosen. With that, Jessica’s ears perk up. She has heard this bull before from her bible thumping biological dad. It only gets worse, when in an effort to give Bill a chance, Jessica jokingly asks, ‘What, like chosen by god?” Bill responds by citing their ranking on the food chain. Bill walks to a nearby table and picks up a vampire bible. Bill said he had read it before and thought he knew better, but that his eyes have been opened. He gives Jess the bible. I feel so sad for Bill right now. He looks so happy to have Jess back where he can look after her like any good daddy, but he’s so lost to himself. Bill is so enthusiastic to share this new joy he’s experiencing. Jessica is scared to death.
Elijah walks into Fangtasia looking like he just left the Mardi Gras discount bead warehouse. Tara runs out of the office crying about how she doesn’t know what to do. Elijah walks into the office and there is Ginger lying still on the desk. Tara says she’s afraid she killed her while trying to turn her and goes into full Butterfly McQueen mode and tells Elijah she doesn’t know nothin’ about birthing baby vampires. Elijah checks Ginger’s pulse and turns to tell Tara she’s fine and Ginger stabs Elijah in the shoulder with a silver dagger. While he’s distracted, Tara cuts his head off with a sword. Ginger does what she does best, she screams. This brings Pam, who’s sporting another weird hairdo, into the room. Tara tells her they are not running, nobody fucks with them in their house. You go, girl! Pam looks … oh, who the hell knows.
Newlin comes off the elevator at Authority HQ and Chelsea the receptionist tells Newlin there’s something wrong with Emma. I almost liked Newlin for a second when he looked genuinely concerned. Emma is fine, she just went back to human form. Newlin yells at her, telling Emma she knows he doesn’t like it when she’s human. He also asks her if she wants Nigel to eat her. Emma starts to cry and says she wants her mommy, to which Newlin, reestablishing himself as douchebag of the year, tells her that her mommy doesn’t want her. Maybe Newlin’s dad was right, he shouldn’t have a pet. Emma leaves the room crying, Newlin follows and two white mice walk out of Newlin’s dropped bag.
Jessica is trying to read the bible in the Authority rec room and walks by the table where Nora, Bill and Eric are brainstorming about the bibles translation and implementation. Russell thinks education reform is ridiculous, the real problem is that they are helpless during the day. Kibwe says that’s the way they were made, Russell needs to accept it. I told you I would get back to this. As soon as Russell says that his real purpose is to day walk, Bill and Eric take notice. Russell says to Bill and Eric, “We’ve all drank from the same fairy!” They know what he means, to which Eric responds, “It only lasts a few minutes.” Russell reminds them that the first flight lasted a mere twelve seconds, but the Wright brothers didn’t give up. He also asks the collective, what if the Japanese had given up before they developed Tru-Blood? I have to admit Russell is on a roll. He wants to breed the Fae so they can be siphoned for their blood. Salome, surprisingly, is against the whole thing, saying vampires are meant to be creatures of the night.
Meanwhile, Jessica is trying to look like she’s reading and Bill and Eric share a worrisome look. More of Russell’s mask is falling away while Salome tells him the Fae are an abomination. He tells her he wishes he had some faerie blood right now to shove down her piehole. Salome makes the foolish mistake of telling Russell she pulled him out of the ground and she can put him back in. With that, Russell throws her across the room. All the vamps in the room drop fang and Russell warns them that he is three thousand years old, none of them pose a real threat to him. He must be really be pissed, his Germanic-like accent is slipping in. He states their devotion to Lilith has kept them, quite literally, in the dark. He leaves, but not before exclaiming, “I WILL HAVE THE SUN!” This would have been a perfect climax to end the episode, but no …
We find Sookie, Jason, the Moulin Fae and Claude looking over the scroll saying, he can’t read it either, its an extinct Fae language. But Maurella can, as she is almost old enough to be an elder. Maurella enters the room and wow, is she pregnant. Oh god, another fucking story line for next year is being set up. Maurella reads the scroll and tells Sookie and Jason that it was written in 1702 and their not so great-great grandfather made a pact with Warlow to give him the first Fae bearing female child, which we all know is Sookie. Interesting note; Claude and the others range in age from one hundred and thirty to five hundred. Some of the more studious of our readers and fans will get why I’m mentioning this, others won’t and right now I’m not telling. I will say, isn’t it interesting the Fae look like they don’t age just like the vampires don’t? In any case, we close …
We didn’t see Alcide at all in this episode, nor did we see Terry or Arlene. ”Gone, Gone Gone” was one of the most vampire-centric episodes yet. I admit that I love Denis O’Hare. He may not be the best looking guy in the room, but by virtue of his sheer charisma, I can’t look away. I am still annoyed that we got to see so little of Chris Meloni, his purpose seems to have been no more than shock factor for a Russell take down.
I’m so glad that I received so many comments from last week’s recap telling me that y’all won’t let your devotion to Bill wane. Thank you! Bill deserves to be given some latitude. Don’t worry, he’s a good man who is lost right now … have no fear, he will be back. Keep your perspective ladies. The first inklings of trouble within the Authority are already showing, if you ask me. Just keep in mind the quote from Abraham Lincoln: “A house divided against itself cannot stand.” Your turn now: what do you think? Let me know and I will see you next week …